So I’ve talked about how my mom doesn’t understand anything before. And I’m going to talk about it again. She is too thick headed. With PTSD comes personal boundaries. She does not respect them AT ALL. I don’t want to be touched and when she tried to touch me I jerk away & she says, literally she just said this,” you stop that I won’t put up with that. I’m your mother I’m allowed to touch you.” Ok. No. Nope. Not at all. Mine of that statement is true. I’ve tried telling her so many times to ask permission before touching me, to respect my boundaries but she does not give a shit about what I say. She’s “teaching” me that just because someone’s my something they automatically have the right to touch me. That it doesn’t matter if I don’t want to be touched because my opinion doesn’t matter and anyone should be allowed to touch me. I have to live with this every fucking day. Constantly being touched. And with every single touch brings back memories and self loathing, it makes me feel less than human again. It makes me feel like I’m back in the hidden closet. And back at that party. And back in the dim bathroom.. I already have enough trouble with being touched in school and by doctors. It just makes me want to hide everything and hide myself and disappear. And I don’t know what to do. My panic attacks are debilitating, but she doesn’t care. My CPTSD is crippling, but she doesn’t care. My depression is incapacitating, but she doesn’t care. My social anxiety is a black hole that is consuming me, but she doesn’t care. She demands something that is not possible of me. She’s waiting for something that can never happen. She is tormenting me for not being ‘normal’ or ‘ok’. And I can’t take it. I can’t do this. I’m terrified to talk. Even the thought of getting up paralyzes me…but the image of her coming into my room and yelling about how much of a horrible daughter/person/human I am. And that I should just get over it because it’s not real. Just smile. Put up appearances. WELL I CANT FUCKING DO APPEARANCES ANYMORE. FUCK appearances. FUCK YOU HER HIM THEM EVERYONE. I can’t do this. Even without her on my case everything else is already debilitating enough… I just. I can’t. Ugh.
Hi everyone! My friend Eveline is such a talented, amazing, beautiful person and it would mean the world to her if she could get a much-needed service dog! Whatever you can spare would be going towards helping her adopt Nassa!
My name is Eveline, and I’m 17 years old. Last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative spells due to repeated trauma. This means that I often blank out for minutes at a time, and am unable to hear or participate consciously in daily life during the episode. In addition, I have panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, and a massive problem with hyper vigilance. This makes it very difficult for me to be at home, as I have to do routine safety checks every time I leave or enter a room, right before I go to bed, and as soon as I wake up. I am terrified of being alone in public, in fear that I will experience the same kind of trauma again, and usually only leave the house alone to go to school. I have tried various medicines, but the side effects have always outweighed the benefits they offer.
A few weeks ago, my psychologist recommended I get a service dog. I found and contacted an organization, ProTrain Dog, and met with them. They paired me with a very sweet long-haired German Shepherd named Nassa. We bonded right away, and I immediately felt more at ease. She sat at my feet and kept a watchful eye on everyone around me while my grandparents and I spoke with her trainers.
Unfortunately, my grandparents are both retired, and can’t afford to pay for her training. Because of my school schedule(8am to 5pm) and debilitating fear, I am unable to get a job to pay for her.
I need Nassa trained to lick my hand or face right before I have a dissociative episode, to do safety checks, and to bark on command if strangers become invasive, or if I feel unsafe. This is incredibly important to me, because it would allow me to go about everyday activities without constant fear. Additionally, she would alert me of dissociative episodes before they happen, allowing me to combat them or prevent them. This would help me immensely, as it would allow me to maintain friendships and future business relationships without dropping out of conversations or being unable to hear or remember what the person is telling me.
Because of the personal and complicated tasks Nassa will be trained to do, she will cost $10,500. Included in this cost is Nassa herself, her training, and her certification. $3,000 of this is due up front, when we sign her contract. My grandparents are able to pay for this, but their funds don’t extend much farther. Nassa will complete her training two months after the contract is signed. At this point, the remaining balance of $7,500 is due.
If we don’t reach the goal, the raised money will be used to buy a puppy, which will be raised and then taken to ProTrain to be trained as a service dog. This costs less, but it would take over a year for the dog to mature and be trained. Nassa is a year old as of now. She was raised by ProTrain, and has already gone through basic training and housebreaking, so her service dog training will take a lot less time than a dog that I bring to them. I need my dog as soon as possible, and unfortunately the other dog would not be trained before I go off to college.
If you can’t contribute, that is okay. If you’d like to help, you can share this on any social networking site.
Nassa’s trainers can be found at:
Thank you so very much for reading this.
please reblog in order to spread this as far and wide as possible! thank you~
Sorry it’s a bit long.
I’ve had a rough time this week and was worrying that I was going to get bad again. But Kaylie reminded me of all the things that are different in my life now. I process things a lot better through writing/art, so yesterday I decided to do a thing to help myself remember.
I’m so FUCKING mad
Jet Blue made me get a doctors note because their own ADA people didn’t believe my service dog is a service dog
You know why?
Because people have been bringing fake service dog IDs and vests and bullshitting their pets onto the plane
I have an anxiety disorder how do you…
Hi, sorry to intrude, but I have severe anxiety, complex ptsd, depression, and other mental illnesses. I noticed you said you have a service dog for anxiety? Might I ask how you made that happen? I’ve just been wanting to get a certified service dog because of how debilitating the symptoms can be… Sorry to bother you..
it ok to not be ready
Please spread this shit like wildfire. People go on and sit through the whole experience and they’re uncomfortable because they just want to please their partner and they don’t tell them that they want to stop because they are not ready. It’s okay not to be ready.
i wish someone had told me this kind of stuff when i was younger… ಠ_ಠ
no but what pisses me off is when parents dont let boys and girls hang out as friends like especially when it comes to sleepovers
like no i dont want his dick in me i want to sit on my floor and throw board game pieces at him when i lose
finally someone said it